on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
