I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I FOUND THE LEGS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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