I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
