toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
