dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
