I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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