It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize