it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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