drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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