Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
