ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
