Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
