Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
