Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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