i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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