if you like me you must not know who I am
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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