i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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