Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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