Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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