I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
