Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize