She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
