I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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