We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
