Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
