oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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