btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
