She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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