when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
