im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
