I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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