i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
