Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You took a bar mat shot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have started to decorate penises.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
