she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
