Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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