he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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