woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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