Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
