Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just gift wrapped bread.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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