guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
