THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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