dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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