you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
