My cat gives me a boner
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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