but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
