ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
