So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
