it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
