I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
