I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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