I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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