Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
