hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
tell me about the fingering
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