yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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