I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
