Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
