I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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