I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
