My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
