Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
