why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
