This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
