I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
