The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
