Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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