pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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