And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
