Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
