dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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